So I was supposed to be in Texas this week. I was supposed to be sitting in a courtroom listening to the trial of the man who murdered my father. I was quite a mess late last week in the days leading up to my planned departure. Then we got the call that the trial was postponed again. It was so close this time. Now we wait. I admit that I was somewhat relieved to learn that the trial wasn't taking place this week. A sense of relief to not have to go through what I anticipate will be a fairly awful thing. However, it is still coming. I think the dry run has me slightly better prepared for when it does actually take place. But how does one prepare for a murder trial? Unless you're a lawyer, you don't. As a relative of the victim of a horrible crime, you try desperately to mentally prepare yourself to go through it again... in more detail. Dragging up feelings I've dealt with already. Pain unimaginable from someone doing the unthinkable to another human being. Causing such pain that shock is the body's natural response. It takes a while to move through that. It takes time to get through the fog that seems to cover everything.
One thing that rises above everything is God. He has remained the same. He is there every step of the way. Carrying me when I can no longer stand on my own. Hearing my heart cry. I have grown in His love. A love that is deeper than my pea brain can comprehend. A love that died for a people he created who choose to lie, steal, cheat, hate, murder, you name it. We sin against fellow man. We sin against a God who is pure, holy, jealous, just, and righteous, to name a few. And yet he tenderly loves us enough to pay for our wrongs and make us pure again. All we need to do is believe that he died for us and rose again. That's it. No more, no less. Just believe. That is what brings me joy in the midst of something so horrible. He made me pure in His sight. That doesn't take away the pain of this world. It does make the pain temporary. God wins in the end. Sin loses. There is hope in God and His word in the mean time. Those times when I cannot bear the sorrows any more I go running to His word. It brings comfort I cannot explain. I just wonder why I don't run there first sometimes. Given all that is going on right now, I can honestly say I'm doing OK. It's not easy but I know I'm not alone.
I don't like making a post without a picture.
This is the hand pieced hexagon table runner I've been working on.
I plan to take it with me on the plane.
