It comes around once a year just like every other day in the calendar. August 27th. This day marks the second year since the murder of my father. I don't know what to do with this day. Try as I might, it won't go away. I can't ignore it nor can I forget it. It is painful. There is sadness and grief. It created a scar that will never completely go away. It's not something you get over or move on from. It's something I have learned to live with.
The grief is heavy today. Well, all week leading up to today if I'm going to be completely honest. (Thankfully, my prayer warriors are there for me.) I try my best to choose to remember how much my dad loved me and not how he died. I still ache to talk to him. I miss his laugh and his quirky dry humor. I have a recording of him reading from the book of Isaiah. Someday I'm going to muster enough strength to listen to it. Just not today.
I was also hoping to have the trial behind as well. That was not meant to be. I still have several months of waiting for that to happen. Someday, I'm hoping, earthly justice will take its course. It's just excruciatingly slow.
Today I'm choosing not to dwell on the horrors of this day. It's far easier to say than do. It took a long time to get through the fog of when it first happened. I still get that foggy feeling every now and then but it doesn't last long. I know this pain is temporary. The Bible tells us to think on Godly things. I sometimes need to remind myself of that. We humans tend to let our minds wander. That's probably why God put those reminders in his word. I remind myself of how much I need God and his word. I can't imagine going through this and not having God with me. How do people do that? I'm so thankful for the one true living God whose love knows no bounds. Who loved me before I was. Who loved me before I committed my first sin. Who loved me before I knew him. Who loved me when I was an enemy. Who loved me enough to willingly let his innocent son be brutally murdered for my sins. Who loved me enough to satisfy the penalty for sin. It was his blood, not mine that made me clean. All anyone has to do is believe. Only a holy, just, and loving God could and would do that. I rejoice in the truth of his love. His love has such depths that I cannot fully comprehend it. I'd rather focus on that than anything else. What an amazing God he is!
The grief is heavy today. Well, all week leading up to today if I'm going to be completely honest. (Thankfully, my prayer warriors are there for me.) I try my best to choose to remember how much my dad loved me and not how he died. I still ache to talk to him. I miss his laugh and his quirky dry humor. I have a recording of him reading from the book of Isaiah. Someday I'm going to muster enough strength to listen to it. Just not today.
I was also hoping to have the trial behind as well. That was not meant to be. I still have several months of waiting for that to happen. Someday, I'm hoping, earthly justice will take its course. It's just excruciatingly slow.
Today I'm choosing not to dwell on the horrors of this day. It's far easier to say than do. It took a long time to get through the fog of when it first happened. I still get that foggy feeling every now and then but it doesn't last long. I know this pain is temporary. The Bible tells us to think on Godly things. I sometimes need to remind myself of that. We humans tend to let our minds wander. That's probably why God put those reminders in his word. I remind myself of how much I need God and his word. I can't imagine going through this and not having God with me. How do people do that? I'm so thankful for the one true living God whose love knows no bounds. Who loved me before I was. Who loved me before I committed my first sin. Who loved me before I knew him. Who loved me when I was an enemy. Who loved me enough to willingly let his innocent son be brutally murdered for my sins. Who loved me enough to satisfy the penalty for sin. It was his blood, not mine that made me clean. All anyone has to do is believe. Only a holy, just, and loving God could and would do that. I rejoice in the truth of his love. His love has such depths that I cannot fully comprehend it. I'd rather focus on that than anything else. What an amazing God he is!
And because I don't like picture-less blog posts.
Here's Pepper.
My dad usually asked what kind of mischief our goofy dog was up to.
This time she was just trying to take a nap.
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